Characteristics of the Coaching & Mentoring Relationship
Building Collaborative, Ethical and Effective Coaching Partnerships
This compilation is an educational resource developed by the British School of Coaching. This series is compiled as a foundational resource for coaches in training. Each article introduces a practical coaching tool or model, grounded in theory and supported by real-world application. Whether you’re preparing for ILM coaching qualifications or looking to deepen your understanding of best practice in coaching, this series offers research-informed insights to strengthen your coaching toolkit.
A successful coaching or mentoring relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual commitment to growth. Coaches and mentors facilitate personal and professional development—not by giving advice or instruction, but by fostering a safe, structured, and future-focused space for reflection and action.
This article explores the core characteristics that define an effective coaching or mentoring relationship. These principles are essential for coaches in training to embody and reflect in every session, regardless of context.
1. It is Mutual
Effective coaching and mentoring relationships are mutual partnerships. Both coach and coachee engage in:
- Active listening
- Sharing insights
- Providing and receiving feedback
- Clarifying roles and expectations
This mutuality ensures the coachee feels supported and seen, while the coach remains open, responsive, and collaborative—not directive or hierarchical.
2. It is Solution-Focused
The coaching process focuses on identifying solutions rather than dwelling on problems. One key element of this is the ability to separate:
- The person from
- Their behaviour
By keeping the emphasis on what needs to change (rather than what is wrong with the person), coaches support constructive exploration, confidence-building, and empowerment. This aligns with a growth mindset approach and enhances psychological safety.
3. It is Respectful
Respect is foundational. Effective coaching is based on mutual regard for each other’s perspectives, experiences, and autonomy. Coaches demonstrate respect by:
- Listening without interruption
- Honouring the coachee’s lived experiences
- Maintaining professionalism and boundaries
Respectful collaboration fosters trust and enables deeper, more meaningful dialogue.
4. It is Future- and Change-Oriented
Coaching is not about analysing the past for its own sake—it is about unlocking forward momentum. Effective sessions are oriented toward:
- What needs to happen next
- What change the coachee wants to create
- What steps can be taken to bridge the gap between current and desired states
This forward focus encourages commitment and sustainable behaviour change.
5. It Utilises a Process
Coaching and mentoring are structured processes, not informal conversations. Skilled coaches:
- Have a clear understanding of the model or framework they’re using (e.g. GROW, CLEAR, OSCAR)
- Know when to use specific coaching skills (e.g. listening, questioning, reflecting, summarising)
- Remain aware of the flow of the conversation and when to challenge or support
A strong process provides the scaffolding that supports insight and action.
6. It is Non-Judgmental
Coaching must be conducted in a way that is non-judgmental and values-neutral. This means:
- Coaches do not impose their personal, religious, social, or cultural beliefs
- Coaches avoid working with clients whose values or lifestyles they cannot respect, as this compromises the integrity of the relationship
- Coachees are accepted unconditionally, even as they are challenged to grow
Judgment undermines psychological safety and restricts exploration. Non-judgment enables openness, creativity, and trust.
7. It is Confidential
Confidentiality is a cornerstone of ethical practice in coaching and mentoring. Coachees must feel confident that:
- What they share will not be disclosed outside the coaching relationship
- The coach will uphold their privacy with integrity and professionalism
However, exceptions exist—for instance, in organisational settings where:
- Disclosure may be legally required (e.g. criminal activity, safeguarding concerns)
- Company policies require reporting of specific risks (e.g. bankruptcy, fraud, misconduct)
The coach has a responsibility to clarify the boundaries of confidentiality from the outset. Transparency builds trust and prevents misunderstandings.
8. It Requires Integrity, Enthusiasm, and Commitment
Beyond process and technique, a coach must bring enthusiasm for the craft, integrity in their approach, and genuine commitment to the coachee’s development.
This includes:
- Being fully present and prepared for sessions
- Holding belief in the coachee’s potential
- Modelling professional values at all times
A coaching relationship thrives when the coach is invested—not just in coaching, but in this person’s journey.
The coaching and mentoring relationship is more than a series of conversations—it’s a purposeful, ethical, and human partnership. For coaches in training, understanding and embodying these characteristics lays the foundation for safe, productive, and transformative practice.
References:
- Clutterbuck, D., Megginson, D., & Bajaj, M. (2016). Coaching and Mentoring: Theory and Practice. Sage.
- Cox, E., Bachkirova, T., & Clutterbuck, D. (2014). The Complete Handbook of Coaching. Sage.
- Hawkins, P., & Smith, N. (2013). Coaching, Mentoring and Organizational Consultancy: Supervision and Development. McGraw-Hill Education.
- International Coaching Federation (2021). Code of Ethics. https://coachingfederation.org/ethics
- Starr, J. (2021). The Coaching Manual. 5th ed. Pearson.
